张燕军（建平实验中学英语高级教师 区英语学科带头人）

在本人多年的初中英语写作教学实践之后，我提出了英语写作的“三重境界”，在此跟大家做一个分享交流。

第一重境界，是指学生能根据得到的写作情境和要求，在认真思考的基础上会进行合理的谋篇布局，并涵盖所有要点，语言运用也基本准确到位，从而也往往能拿到比较满意的分数，但这只能算是第一重境界。

我们以下面这篇写作为例：

Working as a neighbo rhood vo lunteer will make my summer holiday meaningful

After the High School Entrance Examination,I will have a long summer holiday.And I want to do something meaningful during this time.Working as a neighbourhood volunteer will be my choice.Firstly,through acts of kindness,I can bring help and support to the people who are in need in my neighbourhood.Next,by working as a neighbourhood volunteer,my life experiences will be enriched and most importantly,my problem-solving skills will be greatly improved.All in all,being a neighbourhood volunteer will be a perfect choice for me during this coming summer holiday.

评析：此文能根据写作要求，清楚地点明了自己将选择“做小区志愿者”来使自己的暑假生活更有意义，随后又列举了相关理由，但是在稍显平淡的语言背后，表达的思想也不够新颖、打动人，还有较大的提升空间。

第二重境界则是学生能在涵盖所有内容的基础上，将平日吸收到的精彩词句用于行文之中，让阅卷者一下感受到小作者扎实的语言功底，但无奈刻意套用的痕迹明显，语言华丽却缺失灵动、深刻的思想表达，这也不能算是上乘之作。

再来看一篇习作：

Taking a part-time job will make my summer holiday meaningful

Soon I finish my High School Entrance Examination,I can’t wait to seize the opportunity to participate in socialp ractice,which can make my summer holiday more meaningful.I will consider finding a part-time job my top choice. First and foremost,through talking with customers,I can enhance my language and interpersonal skills.Sometimes customers’ unique experiences will enable me to seek happiness in life and see the things from a different perspective.Taking a part-time job also contributes to developing my problem-solving skills and a sense of responsibility,as I’mrequired to learn to meet customers’needs and deal with emergencies.Since I have enough time,this is undoubtedly a gold chance to gain personal growth and wonderful experience.I firmly believe a part-time job will be fruitful and engaging.

评析：此文能明显的看出小作者很善于吸收华丽的语言来服务于自己的写作，但是在运用的过程中，刻意使用的痕迹较为明显，尽管写作层次清晰，要点也基本涵盖，说清楚了从事兼职工作能使自己暑假更有意义，但是说理的部分不是很能打动人，简单罗列为主，缺乏生动的描述和独特的思想，因此还有继续修改润色的必要。

第三重境界则是已超越了运用精彩语句表达的层次，在写作内容上凸显出独特的优势，能自如地运用地道、精准的语言，表达独特、打动人的观点，这样的文章，才能算是高段位作品。

我们来看这篇作品：

Taking a city walk will make my summer holiday meaningful

On hearing that we will be provided with an opportunity to take part in a social practice activity after the High School Entrance Examination,I would like to recommend having a city walk in Shanghai.During our school years,we have learnt lots of interesting places and the unique culture behind them from our text books.However,we rarely get a chance to see what the real Shanghai is like with our own eyes,for we are fully occupied with heavy school work.Thus,it’s time for us to take a walk in our city,which integrates its natural beauty with modern technology.What’s more,during the process of city walk,our mind will get refreshed and our stress caused by the academic work can be greatly released.For the reasons above,I firmly believe that this activity would be a visual feast and a balm for our weary soul.So let’s seize the chance,and attend this meaningful activity together.

评析：这篇文章与上面两篇最大的不同，在于融入了独特的思想感情，作者提到了平时被紧张的学业占满时间的无奈，又写出了对家乡的热爱，同时，结尾的总结，用a visual feast和a balm for our weary soul来呼应前面的两个理由，篇章结构就显得特别严密工整，值得广大初中生借鉴学习。

作为一名想写出好文章的初中生来说，我们在进行好词好句积累的同时，更应学会运用语言来表达丰富的内心，从而向着第三重境界努力迈进，写作练习，任重而道远！

附：2024年奉贤二模作文：

Write a passage in at least 60 words according to the follow ing situation.(根据以下情境，请补全标题“_________will make my summer holiday meaningful”后，写一篇不少于60个词的短文，标点符号不占格)

中考结束后的暑假，你有机会去参加各类社会实践活动。如去当一回社区志愿者，奉献一份爱心；如来一场city walk，感受城市的脉搏；如去找一份part-time job,积累工作的经验；又如……你最想参加哪一类社会实践活动？请陈述你的理由。